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A four part series that can enable you to make BIG changes!
You must have good boundaries! This is a simple concept that will have massive impact on your quality of life. You can’t expect other people to respect you or take you seriously if you don’t know your own worth and put limits on what you allow. This is often a concept that is touted in romantic relationship and that’s great but very narrowly focused. You must practice boundaries with everyone, your partner, your friends, your boss, and even yourself. Boundaries can look like saying no to taking on another responsibility or listening to a friend who complains but doesn’t ever make a change, telling your parent that you won’t be coming to family Christmas because you can’t handle the toxic family dynamics anymore. It is more than okay to limit peoples access to you. Remember that your time on this earth is limited and you should only spend time doing things that serve you. Not to be confused with self-serving. Go volunteer at a food bank, that time is no longer your own, but what you take away from that is worth every minute. Don’t offer to drive your cousins, aunts, friend to the airport because you feel guilty if you don’t overextend yourself for others. You were not put on this earth to make yourself small for others comfort.
If you’re not used to setting boundaries it can feel really uncomfortable at first. You may feel selfish or like you’re expecting too much. Do yourself a favor and ride that emotion out. Don’t go back on the boundary you set. Sit in the discomfort and watch your life change. You may lose relationships over this and you have to remind yourself that the transformation that is happening won’t be for everyone. Especially if they’re used to having unlimited access to you. No one is worth you breaking your word to yourself. An example of what this looks like in my life is that I work out often and often my kids need something while I’m in the middle of my workout. It’s taken a while, but I decided about a year ago that I am worthy of an uninterrupted workout. So, their glass of milk or snack can wait until I’m done. At first, I felt like an awful mom telling my kids no, mommy is working out right now. I gave them the option of helping themselves or waiting until I finish. You know now I’m teaching them a couple things. First, that people have boundaries and they’re normal, healthy even. So, when my kids need to, they also feel comfortable with boundaries. Secondly, I’m teaching them that taking your health seriously isn’t selfish. My being healthy is actually for the betterment of everyone in our home. In retrospect what felt like ignoring my kids needs actually taught them a life lesson that I wish I had learned as a child. Boundaries now will set you and those around you up for success. After all, how will someone know how to treat you if you don’t show them.
-Kimberly Siegal
Follow her on instagram @kimberlyelaine44